I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
