omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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