Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
