as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
