And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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