Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
