I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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