Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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