I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
