I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
