Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
