I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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