Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
