the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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