You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
