I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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