I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Randomize
