you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
