Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
