Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
