i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
