how can u be prego again
too bad you live with your parents still
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Randomize
