I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
