I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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