I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
