Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
