Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
