fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
