smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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