If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
