How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize