i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
