He is such a slut. More and more my type.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
