you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
