So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize