Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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