proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
