I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
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The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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