that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
