She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
