All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
