oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
