What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
