I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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