Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
