The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
