You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
