can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I need water and some morals
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
