if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
