Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
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She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
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My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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