I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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