Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize