I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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