FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
