and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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