it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
