No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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