Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
