New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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