i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
