ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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