Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
