the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
