Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
