At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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