my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
